Shangrila (another one only the los and lettes will understand)

My thoughts race

as I look through faded memories of what once was

My heart aches

as my eyes fill with the bloody tears of hated thoughts of what could have been

Time stands still

only for a moment for you to realize how much you truly hurt

Clock ticks again

as the anger rushes over turning into pain all over again

Tinted glass

can only shade you from the direct violence of the rage

There is no way to escape...

nowhere to run...

Why run...

Why hide

It hurts so much that I just want to fade away

into the shadows

that are left by the fallen los and lettes

in hopes that I will be taken into Shangri la with their souls

Drift away into nothing

Into the depths of darkness

Into the epitome of the never ending silence

I close my eyes

and imagine the hatchet that one day

will take the last breath of my existence

When i see the blood trickle down the sharpened blade

and finally

I see happiness

mmfwkl

I wrote this while he was in Iraq

emptyness is over powerering

the pain of hurt so real

clouds of loss its towering

short of breath with what i feel

missing your embrace

your smell it lingers here

the smile on your face

overwhelming sence of fear

i cry myself to sleep

waiting for your call

i cry myself to sleep

i miss you after all

hearing your heartbeat

the taste of your lips

feelings of defeat

i just cant get a grip

to hear your voice

touch your skin

you had no choice

but to go back again

i cry myself to sleep

waiting for your call

i cry myself to sleep

i miss you after all

the tears they fall

emotions strong

as i wait for your call

and fear something is wrong

waiting...

time ticking...

anticipating...

nuthing....

i cry myself to sleep

waiting for your call

i cry myself to sleep

i miss you after all

i

cry myself

to sleep

time

time is only a matter of perception

perception depends on mood ..

mood depends on environment

and you are always where you put yourself

so...

your time is wasted by your choice

not my or anyone elses doing

IMMA BITCH

you think I’m a bitch

ha you wait and see

as My heart slowly rips apart

I become colder and colder

as I think of you and the way you are

the knife cuts deeper into my heart

just remember you think I’m a bitch now

you just wait!!!!

whats wrong

If I cried BC I lost you

would you care?

What would you say?

Would you run away?

Would you watch me bleed?

Would you beg and Pleed?

Well your gone...

So don’t ask WTF IS WRONG!!!

reality

through the shadow I see a light

people trying to reach out

trying to grab at whatever reality they can grasp

when will they ever realize that the only reality

is the realization that there is NO reality

Im not mad at you

Im not mad at you

After all its not your fault

All that you have been through

You committed heart assult

I know you ment no harm

Just being you I guess

Putting on your hypnotizing charm

You had more than enough to impress

There was Michelle, Jessica, Mimi and more

Then me, who thought I was your only love

All turned out as you being a male whore

Wow, into reality with a forceful shove

You convinced me to come back

Said things were discordant with before

I had a minor brain laps attack

I came back to love and adore

The proof came about fast

You were still the same

I thought mabe we would last

You are not to blame

Im not mad at you

Its not your fault

Im just done with you

Its life after all

What part gets to heaven first

The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning and

she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven...which part of

your body goes first?" Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your

hands."

"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?" Suzy replied, "Because

when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just

takes your hands first."

"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.

Jimmy raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your legs."

The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face.

Now, Jimmy, why do you think it would be the legs?"

Jimmy said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the

other night. Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was

saying, "Oh God, I'm coming! If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."

lost car

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches "Can I help you sir?"

"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr" the man replies.

The cop asks- "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

It wasss on the end of thisshh key" the man replies.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's

'personality' is hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.

He asks the man "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing

yourself?

Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and, without missing a beat, blurts out.........."I'll be damned.......... My girlfriend's gone, too!!!!!"

Should children witness childbirth?

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place......smack his ass again!"

I AM ME

Even though I love you

I'm not allowed to care

Even though I want you

I'm not allowed to dare

Even though I need you

I'm still in this nightmare

Wake me please

Before I die

Of heartache

Of loneliness

Of loss

Of despair

Without you I am nothing

With you I am chaos

Within I am torture

Without I am in complete control

As I look out the window

I see hatred and pain

My mind whirls

I find myself laying in the blood

The blood shed by the innocent

I close my eyes

There is the peace

The peace that finally makes me see

I am me

No matter what

I am me

BITCH BITCH BITCH(rant)

If its not one things its another

something about your mother treating your brother so differently than the other I swear your gonna smother me like every other female that has been in your life.

The kids cant behave in your eyes

they try and try, you hear their cries, they try and revise the way they are and improvise, they will do anything to make you realize and not despise them.

You dont have a job

just a blob,such a slob with a glob of food permanently on your shirt, such a sob I'm surprised your ass doesn't always throb

We try our best

you say kids are a pest, they leave you to rest UNTIL 4 at night, they are obsessed with trying to suppress and make you NOT stressed but you are NEVER impressed and always detest and say they are possessed just because they dont do EXACTLY as you suggest

Kids play and kids scream, they laugh and they giggle

even when out side the slightest giggle, jiggle or wiggle and you come unglued and BITCH BITCH BITCH

NO ONE can make you happy

not asking you to be sappy just not always crappy.

I am so tired of being tired of the bull shit

I swear alls you do is sit, hit and BITCH